Why Are We Trying So Hard to Fit In Someone’s Shoe?

Are you one of those who seek validation for every decision you make? Do you feel alone and wrapped in multiple thoughts about what could go wrong? Are you afraid to make a decision all by yourself?

Photo by Ahmed Zayan on Unsplash

In a world where we are constantly bombarded with messages telling us that we need to look a certain way, it’s no wonder that so many of us feel the need to fit in. We see images of perfect-looking people everywhere, and it can be challenging to feel like we measure up.

We need to understand that trying to fit into someone’s expectations is like trying to fit into a shoe that’s too small for you. It just doesn’t fit and will only cause you pain in the long run. You will never be free to express yourself if you try too hard to fit in.

I wish someone would’ve told me this when I was younger because now I am at a point where I am stuck in a shoe that doesn’t fit. Are you also dealing with any of these issues?

But why are we trying so hard to fit in someone else’s shoes?

Perhaps we want to be liked or accepted by them, and we need their approval to feel good about ourselves.

Another reason we are trapped in people-pleasing is we’re afraid that expressing ourselves will conflict with something else or make them angry.

We worship the ground they walk on and need their validation to have an identity in our mind, so if confronted about something, it can be perceived as offensive even when there is none meant or taken.

But it’s time for us to start celebrating our uniqueness. Instead of trying to hide what makes us unique, we should embrace it. That is what truly distinguishes us, after all. Doesn’t it?

To help you in this healing process, here are 5 ideas you can adapt to deal with such circumstances:

1. Recognize when you’re doing it- Pay attention to your thoughts and actions when you’re around others. Do you constantly say “yes” even when you want to say “no”?
2. Set boundaries- Once you’ve identified your behavior, it’s time to set some boundaries. Be assertive and communicate your needs. Don’t be afraid to say “no” when you need to.
3. Be honest with yourself- People-pleasing often stems from a fear of being honest with ourselves. We may not even be aware of what we want or need. Spend some time alone and figure out what you truly want in life.
4. Don’t take things personally- Urgh! I am struggling at this phase. When someone doesn’t follow your thoughts or if you’re doing things per your vision, there are reasons why people don’t necessarily perceive things the way you think they should, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Just believe in what you do!

5. Practice self-care- Seeking validation can be stressful and exhausting. Make sure to take care of yourself both physically and emotionally. Do things that make you happy and make time for yourself.

Now, for me, there’s only one way to get out of that shoe, not trying to seek validation and create a shoe that fits me well. It may take me a long time to adapt this attitude, but it’s better than never creating your happiness.

So, are you going to take first step for your mental wellbeing? Share your stories in the comment section!

And, if you are someone who is healing and connect with mental health posts, here’s my page- heal__your_life. Come and say Hi! I would be happy to connect with you.